Is This Mike On?

"I date this girl for two years — and then the nagging starts: 'I wanna know your name...' "

— Mike Binder, Comedian

The New Parent's Guide lists David as the number one most popular name for boy's in the 1960's. Michael was the second most popular, and John made the list at number three. http://www.thenewparentsguide.com/most-popular-baby-names-1960.htm

With that many David's running around in my dating age range, it seems inevitable that I would have gone out with one at some point. I have. In fact, I have either dated or been on a date with a total of three David's in my lifetime. The first was in my early teens, and the last was one of my recent dating website "finds". I have never been out with a John. (I could make a hooker joke here, but I think I'll refrain. This time.) Therefore, based on my David and John numbers, it would seem logical that I would have in some way been involved with one or two Mike's along the way. Logical, yes, but definitely not the case! For some reason I seem to attract men named Mike like I'm wearing some sort of bizarre fly paper. I can readily account for a dozen different Mike's that I have dated, married, or gone out with since I first became of aware of boys as anything more than grubby little creatures who dared each other to eat worms.

There were a total of five Mike's between grades 8 and 11.  Both of my husbands were Mike's. And then there were the four other Mike's in between marriages. (Are you singing "I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am" yet?) I even named my first son Michael - but he's not included on my score card!

I thought I had finally broken the Mike curse after I split from my last husband, Mike. Apparenty it had more to do with the fact that I wasn't going out with anyone at all than me finding a 12-step program for my weird addiction. (Hi. My name's Valerie, and I'm a Mike-aholic.)

Then about a year ago Mike #12 contacted me via the internet. He was someone that I had known for a number of years, but hadn't seen in even more. Mike seemed interested in more than renewing an old friendship and, despite my initial reservations, I was soon drawn in by his charm and began to look forward to his phone calls and emails. After several months of long distance communications, I agreed to drive out of town to see him. I  confided to a cousin that I had been talking with a guy, she casually asked what his name was. When I rather sheepishly confessed that it was Mike, her immediate response was, "Oh gawd, nooooo! Not another one!" When my roommate found out that I was planning a weekend with a Mike, The Scrinch immediately nicknamed the poor guy "Next Mike Not". In spite of everyone's misgivings, I went to see Next Mike Not. I had a great time. I came home feeling good about our visit together, and was happy about the direction that this seemed to be going. He never called back.

Fast forward to today...

I have accepted an invitation for a date with yet another Mike. This will be Mike #13. Unlucky? Perhaps, but I don't see where things can go any worse with this Mike than they have with any of the other one's. And he does go by Michael, so maybe that will change things up a bit. Just to be on the safe side, though, I have taken the precaution of dubbing him "Another Mike Not". If nothing else, I get to beat The Scrinch to the punch.