Dancing With Myself

“I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.” - Delta Burke

The whole purpose in starting my dating project, and subsequently this blog, was to get a date. In that case, my project has been a success. I have been on several dates in the past two months - more than I have been on in years! I have had invitations for many more dates - more than I could possibly go on. I get go on dates when it is convenient for ME, and I get to choose the things that I want to do. I meet new men almost daily through the dating website that I use.

By and large, this type of dating has worked out best for me. With my hectic schedule of work, school, and gym, it would be difficult, to say the least, to have any kind of a relationship with one person. A relationship requires a certain amount of sacrifice of yourself and your personal time; things that I don't have available to give right now. But dating in the manner that I am also requires a certain amount of sacrifice, and sometimes this lifestyle leaves me wanting things that I don't have.

As my forty-mumble birthday draws near I find myself thinking more and more about the things that I am giving up with my don't-want-to-get-involved dating life. I know that once again MY-day is going to go by without recognition. I know that I will not be getting a wonderful surprise from someone special. That's really hard for me because I am like a kid when it comes to birthdays and holidays... I want presents! And I am always disappointed when I don't get any. More than the presents, however - much more than the presents - there are those amazing non material things that make being in a relationship so wonderful that I miss.

I miss...

...long, deep kisses. The kind that make you weak in the knees. The kind that take your breath away. The kind that last forever and cause you to completely forget the world around you.

...the feel of someone next to me in the night. A leg over mine, or a hand resting casually on my hip. Even more than that, an arm reaching out for me to draw me in close and hold me tight while I sleep.

...dancing. Not the kind of dancing you might do in a club, but rather that slow, swaying dance that happens spontaneously to music that can, or cannot, be heard.

...words of appreciation and words of passion: Thank you. You’re beautiful. What would I do without you? I need you. I want you. I have to have you.

...lustful looks. That spark in his eye that says he can’t wait to get me alone. The one where, without a word, I know he’s undressing me. The one that tells me that he wants me more than anyone or anything else in the world, and would do anything to have me.

...time. Time to talk; time to touch; time to pleasure each other for as long as it takes to satisfy us both; time to just be with each other.

...watching his face light up when I walk into the room. Knowing that he is happy to see me, and that my smile makes his day that much better.

...hugs. The full body pressed together kind. The kind that, for just a minute, puts everything thing else on hold while you rest your head on his chest and breathe in his smell. The kind that makes you feel safe and loved no matter what else is happening. I miss these more than anything else.

I don’t need, flowers, or candy, or material things (except on birthdays and holidays, of course). One heartfelt, passionate kiss would make me the happiest woman in the world. I’m exceptionally easy to please. Sometimes I wish someone would appreciate that about me and give me what I really want. 

But I'm also a realist! I know that I don't have the time to give to someone else right now, and taking without giving would be selfish and unfair. Given the options, I will be content with knowing that I am living my life in a way that I have chosen. Being a strong, independent woman comes with its sacrifices, as do all things in life. For me... for now... I'm certain that the sacrifices are worth what I am getting in return. I'm equally as certain that someday I will happily give up my single life for all the things that I miss sharing with that one most extraordinary man.

Until then, I have nothing to lose and nothing to prove!